Addressing people: Why “I” doesn’t simply mean “tôi” and “you” doesn’t mean “bạn” in Vietnamese
Addressing people in Vietnamese is not simple. There is no one word equivalent to “I”, “you”, “he” or “she” in Vietnamese.
Just try addressing an old man or woman with “bạn” or calling a kid “bạn” and you will understand what I mean.
This post will go over common pronouns as well as how to address people in Vietnamese.
Let’s take a look at some common languages:
| English | I |
| Spanish | yo |
| Chinese | 我 |
| Vietnamese | tôi, em, anh, chị, cô, con, chú, bác, bà, ông… |
In Vietnamese, in order to address yourself, you need to first determine who you are talking to and the situation you are in. It is important in Vietnamese culture to address people correctly to show them your respect, especially when you are talking to older people.
Table of Contents
- How to address others in Vietnamese
- How to address yourself in Vietnamese
- How to address yourself and other people in formal setting
- How to address “he” and “she” in Vietnamese
- Gender neutral words to address people
- How to say “we” in Vietnamese
- How to say “they” in Vietnamese
- Note to readers
How to address others in Vietnamese
When you are talking to your mother or your father, there is no “you” word. To address your mother, you call her “mẹ” and to address your father, you call him “ba“. There are other words to call mother and father depending on the regions in Vietnam. However, “ba” and “mẹ” are the most used words and are nationally recognized in Vietnam. Many people also use “má” to refer to mother. Sometimes, you may see the word “cha” used for “father” in Vietnamese literature.
If you are talking to a male who is your older brother, or older than you, enough to be your older brother, you call that person “anh“. If he is your younger brother, or younger than you, enough to be your younger brother, you call that person “em“.
When you are talking to a female who is your older sister, or older than you, enough to be your older sister, you call that person “chị“. If she is your younger sister, or younger than you, enough to be your younger sister, you call that person “em“.
You also use the same rules for “anh”, “chị” and “em” to address cousins.
When you are talking to a male who is older than you, enough to be your uncle but younger than your father, you call that person “chú“. If he is older than you and your father, you call him “bác“. If he is your nephew or young enough to be your nephew, you can call him “con“.
While in English, you call your father’s brother and your mother’s brother “uncle,” in Vietnamese, there are 3 words for “uncle.” If he’s your father’s blood related brother, depending on whether he’s younger or older than your father, you can call him “chú” or “bác” (as mentioned above). If he’s your mother’s blood related brother, whether he’s older or younger than your mother, you call him “cậu.” If he’s your mother’s brother-in-law, you call him “dượng“.
When you are talking to a female who is old enough to be your aunt, you call her “cô“. If she is your aunt or aunt-in-law on your father’s side, you also call her “cô“. If she is your aunt on your mother’s side, you call her “dì” and if she is your aunt-in-law on your mother’s side, you call her “mợ.”
Note that the word “cô” is sometimes used between adults similar in age as a formal and distant way to address a female adult (e.g. in office). It is usually used with “tôi.”
For example:
Tôi không hiểu sao cô lại có thể quên đem một bản hợp đồng quan trọng như vậy.
I don’t understand why you could forget to bring such an important contract.
When you are talking to a male who is your old enough to be your grandfather, you call him “ông“. If he is your grandfather on your mom’s side, meaning your mom’s father, you call him “ông ngoại“. If he is your father’s father, you call him “ông nội“.
When you are talking to a female who is old enough to be your grandmother, you call her “bà“. The same rule that applies to ông applies here when you address grandmother on your mother side or your father’s side. Mother’s mother is referred to as “bà ngoại” and father’s mother is referred to as “bà nội“.
Just remember when you address your grandfathers and grandmothers, add “ngoại” to “bà” or “ông” for your mother’s side and “nội” for your father’s side.
If you are talking to someone who is young enough to be your grandchild, you call that person “con“.
If you are talking to someone who is the same age as you, you can either call him or her by first name, “bạn” or “bạn” followed by first name. There is really no rules to call someone who is the same age as you. Sometimes, different age groups or different people call each other differently. They may have more intimate words to call each other.
How to address yourself in Vietnamese
Now that you know how to address people, you can address yourself by applying the reversed rule.
For example, if you are talking to your older brother or a male who is old enough to be your brother, it means to that person, you are his younger brother/sister or someone who is young enough to be his younger brother/sister. In that case, you call him “anh” and you address yourself as “em.”
Applying the same rule, when you talk to mẹ, ba, cô, chú, bác, ông, bà, dì, mợ, you address yourself as “con“.
How to address yourself and other people in formal setting
In daily conversations, Vietnamese people use intimate words to address others as discussed above to express closeness and respect.
In formal setting, when speaking in front of a large group of people from different genders and age groups, you can address yourself as “tôi“. It is a formal way to address yourself, and it is gender neutral.
When you want to be formal with someone, you can also address yourself as “tôi.”
In formal setting, when you address others, you still use the same rules as discussed in the first section to show people your respect.
What does that mean?
This means “Hello everyone” in front of a large group of people from different age groups and genders will become:
“Kính chào các anh chị, cô chú và các em.”
The greeting can sometimes become even longer depending on the titles of the people in the audience.
How to address “he” and “she” in Vietnamese
To address “he” and “she” in Vietnamese, you simply add “ấy” to the word you use to address that person to turn a “you” into a “he” or “she.”
For example:
| You | He | She |
| anh | anh ấy | |
| chị | chị ấy | |
| em | em ấy | em ấy |
| chú | chú ấy | |
| cô | cô ấy | |
| ông | ông ấy | |
| bà | bà ấy |
Another common way to say “he” or “she” is to add “ta” instead of “ấy“.
For example: ông ta, anh ta, etc.
Gender neutral words to address people
“Wait, what do you mean? Didn’t you just say there’s no one word to address “I”, “you”, “he” or “she”?”
That is true. You want to address people the way outlined in the first section and address yourself the way outlined in the second section of this post.
However, there are times when you can use gender neutral words. For example, as mentioned above, sometimes in formal setting, you can use “tôi” to address yourself. When you don’t know the person’s identity, for example online, you can refer to him or her as “bạn,” or “các bạn” for a group of people you don’t know.
There are also other words that are neutral genders that you may hear sometimes, like “mày” (you), “tao” (I) or “nó” (he, she, it). However, these are very informal words and can be considered rude if you use them with people you are not close to. These words can be heard between really close friends or used as degrading terms. Do not use “mày”, “tao” or “nó” when talking or referring to older people. They are just very rude and disrespectful if you use them when talking or referring to older people.
I have never used “mày” or “tao” even though I heard it sometimes among friends during my middle school and high school years. I personally don’t like using them.
Words like “mi” (you) or “ta” (I) are the lighter form of “mày” or “tao.” By lighter, I mean they are less rude, in my opinion. But they are still very informal words and you do not want to use them when talking to older people. It may be fine if you and the person you talk to are close in age.
Another informal way to say you is “cậu” and I is “tớ”. These are used between friends who are close in age. These can be considered childish by some people. But hey, I still call my high school friends “cậu” so it is definitely not that childish.
You can refer to yourself as “mình” when talking to friends that are close to your age. It is a cute and polite way to refer to yourself.
How to say “we” in Vietnamese
Usually, to say “we,” you first identify how you address yourself in the situation then add “chúng” or “tụi” before the word you use to address yourself. “Chúng” and “tụi” can be used interchangeably; however, “tụi” is more informal, often used in informal conversations. In formal setting or in writing, “chúng” is used more often.
For example, if you are a group of young people talking to older people and you address yourself as “con” then to address your group of young people, you can say “chúng con” or “tụi con” (we).
Tụi con cảm ơn cô.
(We) thank you.
In formal setting, writing, or when you do not want to identify yourself (as male, female, younger or older) and you address yourself as “tôi,” to address “we” in this situation, you just add “chúng” before “tôi.”
Thầy giáo khen chúng tôi vì chúng tôi hoàn thành bài sớm.
The teacher praised us because we finished homework early.
You can also use “tụi tôi” in informal setting.
Tụi tôi đâu có biết là cô ấy là con gái của cô Ba.
We didn’t know that she is Mrs. Ba’s daughter.
Other examples: tụi mình, tui em, tụi chị, tụi anh, chúng mình and chúng em. We don’t use “chúng” with “chị” or “anh.” There is no specific rule as to why it can’t be used with “chị” or “anh” but people just don’t use them together. It may just be because it sounds weird or because “anh” and “chị” are often used in informal setting or to sound closer to the person you’re talking to so it makes more sense to use informal word such as “tụi” than “chúng.”
Vietnamese people also don’t use “tụi” or “chúng” with pronouns for older people such as cô, chú, bác, ông and bà. The reason is that the words “tụi” and “chúng” are not respectful words. When the other person calls you cô, chú, bác, ông, and bà, you don’t want to use “tụi” or “chúng” to refer to your group. It is ok to refer to your group with “tụi” or “chúng” when you’re younger or close like brothers or sisters, but when there is a great age gap between you and the person/people you’re talking to, you want to be respected and words like “tụi” and “chúng” must not be used.
How to say “they” in Vietnamese
The simplest way to say “they” in Vietnamese is to use “họ.”
Họ nói họ không bán sản phẩm đó nữa.
They said they don’t sell that product anymore.
However, “họ” is a more formal way to address “they” or when you address people older than you are. We don’t address a group of people that are younger than we are (kids, etc.) as “họ.” Also, if you want to address elders, it’s best not to use “họ” to refer to them. “Họ” does not sound respectful when addressing elders.
To address a group of people as “they,” first identify how you would address individuals in that group then add “các” before the word.
For example:
| He/she | They |
| chị ấy (she) | các chị ấy (they – older females) |
| anh ấy (he) | các anh ấy (they – older males) |
| anh ấy, chị ấy | các anh chị ấy (they – older males and females) |
| em ấy | các em ấy |
| cô ấy | các cô ấy |
| chú ấy | các chú ấy |
| bác ấy | các bác ấy |
Another way to say “they” is to use “mấy” instead of “các.” We can say “mấy chị ấy,” “mấy anh ấy,” etc.
You can also replace “ấy” with “đó.” For examples, “các em đó,” “mấy em đó,” etc.
Note to readers
Words mentioned here are common words that are nationally understood and used in big cities in Vietnam. These are words that I used and was taught in school when I was a child and as I grew up. Keep in mind that there may be other words to refer to mother, father, you and I in Vietnamese depending on the regions; they just may not be as popular or heard from the TV shows or news as often.
Pronunciation: check out Tools.
